The Happy Teens Life

Listen to the news and you will confirm that bad things happen even to good people, What did that innocent 6 year old girl do to deserve being raped by her step father or the girl who was ganged raped and is now struggling with a son whose father she doesn't know, how can she explain to the whole world it was not because of her lasciviousness. Her identity is hunted, everyone thinks she is loose, they think she is facing the consequences of her carelessness. How unjust. You find people here and there with so much burden, pain, sorrows. So how do I convince you that there is joy, laughter, peace, love, happiness. How can I tell you that you can #LiveTheAbundantLife , that you can live your life to the fullest regardless of what pain you have gone through, the mess you are in right now or whoever must have caused the pain. Will you believe me? I have seen people come out strong after stormy seasons of their lives, I have also seen people who allowed experiences drain them away, they ...

A problem shared, Is it truly half solved? One of those times after I escaped an horrible experience I thought to share it with one of my friends. I needed solace, and all I needed her to do was sit back, listen and perhaps tell me something comforting. I remember telling her not to share it with any other person, the next day, I got the exact opposite of what I told her; her mum responded to my greetings with such pity in her voice. "Good morning ma" and she was like "Good morning Esther, Sorry oo, I heard what happened to you, what really happened? How did it happen?" That is how my secret became public discussion, and that is how I stopped sharing my innermost concerns and troubles with anyone. I was so disappointed. I became so good with coverups; no matter the pain I was going through, you wouldn't know I was hurting, inside of me I knew I needed help but who would I trust? It was hard to be vulnerable again, I didn't want to go through a second hurt o...

I never wanted to be gloomy, no! Not, angered, bitter nor depressed. Like the brightness of the sun, I wanted to radiate glory and shine forth but it didn't look like some of my experiences wanted me to be in any way glad. Maybe that is what my exaggerated thoughts made me feel. But I knew darkness and light could not coexist. I couldn't be sad, depressed and still expect to be happy, I would have to chose either to be flooded with light or drained away by darkness. It was a decision I needed to make. You could be lucky to have a few people who are trying to cheer you up to wholeness. While others do not care, some people may be committed to making you happy and getting you back on your feet but the truth is, my dear friend, you would have to make the decision to leave the 'pity-zone' as fast as possible. You would have to #ChooseToBeJoyful regardless of your current experiences. The 'pity-zone' keeps you pondering on the questions 'Why me?", "W...

He took advantage of my naivety, and I hated him. Gosh! I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t believe that the same person causing me great pain was living and doing so well. Each time I saw the wicked smile on his face, it irritated me. I wished his prayers were never answered because sincerely, I didn’t think he deserved anything good. No! not after he had caused me so much pain. But guess what? The young man was doing fine, at least from what I observed, he was looking fresher and happier but on my own end, I was getting bitter and really hurting. I allowed a demon into my inner space and it was sapping every strength, joy and peace in my heart. Not to mention that my pain was also intensified and that's what happens when we let the enemy- Bitterness build a tent in our hearts and live there. It is easier to say 'Don't get bitter after a hurting experience' but I know it much harder to get the abuser off your head or even in your heart. The scene keeps replaying over...

"Gang-Raped On Her Wedding Day?" The first time I read Terry Gobanga's story, I couldn't stop pondering on the weight of pain she went through. It must have been devastating. That morning, before she could say "I Do" to Harry, her abusers had grabbed her into a car and one after another, raped her. She even told them it was her wedding day but that's when they hit her so bad. She tried to defend herself but one of them stabbed her stomach and threw her from a moving vehicle to the road side. She moved from the pain of being raped, to the pain of being told by the doctor that her womb was affected and she would not be able to bear children. Harry was still very supportive, months after, they still went ahead and got married, but how did she deal with the pain of losing Harry to death exactly 29 days after their wedding? The accusers were everywhere, they said she had a bad omen hanging over her, they said she killed her husband, a little gossips here...

Last week and this week has been quite eventful for me but though a lot of things happened simultaneously, I did not forget that I made a promise about the #Restored series. For the first, I thought to share my story👉 I grew up thinking it was my fault that the abusers were after me. At about 6 years old a family friend tried to molest me, when I was 9 years old, a relative attempted, he and two other older folks, one was a neighbour, the other, a stranger. It took sometime to really understand what these people were trying to do to me. But as a teenager it became clearer when I narrowly escaped two young men who were determined but to abuse me. Each scene linked with another and suddenly I began to feel terrible about myself. I blamed myself for every scene that had occurred. I wished I had known better, I wished they never happened. Soon I got depressed, I thought; "Why should this be happening to me consecutively" But more to the pain was the fact that I could tell no ...

I could feel the blood oozing out from my vagina I could see the tears streaming down my eyes It was tears of pain, tears of shame, tears of humiliation. He took advantage of my gullibility He forced himself on me and then gave me a mocking smile I can never forget that day, that day when my virginity was ripped off me. That day when my treasured asset was taken away from me. Who will explain, who will I turn to, who will I run to? where the very thing in me died. I walked as if I was nobody anymore I couldn’t raise my head to talk. Everybody blamed me for my predicament. I felt it, I felt the disgrace, the torture was too much; nobody wanted me, everybody ran away from me . I was stigmatized because my asset, because my treasure was stolen away from me. So I was hospitalized, was there for months, for years, nobody to talk to. I couldn’t voice out my feelings because the very thing I had was taken away from me But he came, He came, He came I had the best physician ever Emotio...

The abuser... He came suddenly and you would hardly forget that day. You wished someone could help, but the world was quiet. He bounced on you, grabbed your feeble arms and the wickedness transpired. You still wish the day never came, you are pained. *** She shocked you. You thought she was your protector, never knew she was out to devour you. She was subtle. She said 'you would be fine' , 'tell no one about it' Yet she keeps molesting and draining you. Your life is yoked, It's a burden you no longer want to bear. *** You feel like another soul; wretched, dirty, ignored. You do not know if anyone would love and believe in you again. Like your destiny is trapped, Like no one cares, like no one understands *** The abuser is masked with evil (S)He is wicked and forceful, Sometimes subtle and deceiving. (S)He wants to steal the fullness of your life. (S)He wants to destroy you. *** You see why you should not remain silent? No matter what skin (s)he puts on; black, ...

The abuser... He came suddenly and you would hardly forget that day. You wished someone could help, but the world was quiet. He bounced on you, grabbed your feeble arms and the wickedness transpired. You still wish the day never came, you are pained. *** She shocked you. You thought she was your protector, never knew she was out to devour you. She was subtle. She said 'you would be fine' , 'tell no one about it' Yet she keeps molesting and draining you. Your life is yoked, It's a burden you no longer want to bear. *** You feel like another soul; wretched, dirty, ignored. You do not know if anyone would love and believe in you again. Like your destiny is trapped, Like no one cares, like no one understands *** The abuser is masked with evil (S)He is wicked and forceful, Sometimes subtle and deceiving. (S)He wants to steal the fullness of your life. (S)He wants to destroy you. *** You see why you should not remain silent? No matter what skin (s)he puts on; black, ...

Vivian shares her story... Little girl I was, full of naivety and selfless love, obeying my beloved, belaboured single mum, I had to stay with a beautiful family from noon to dusk when mum would be back from work. The family seemed all beautiful, and to me it was an ideal home anyone would love to have – a good father, loving and hardworking mother, three sons and I was the only girl spending most of my back-from-school hours with them, so technically, I became their sister. The first son was twenty-one years old, he was two years older than the second son, the third son was eleven, while I (little sister) was barely thirteen years old. The tendencies of a growing teen-girl were all on me; I was learning to trust people with my emotions, seeking acceptance from the opposite sex, imaging the unrealistic as needful, bottling up issues and characterising my actions as a show of maturity. Never missing a day of the week in their house, I got so familiar and overly comfortable with the ...

The enemy within is more dangerous, some people say... We see why the great king David, the man who fought and lost no battle in his life time, could shiver and run away from his son Absalom who suddenly became a self declared enemy? David, as a father, trusted Absalom. Absalom on the other hand abused this relationship by using the privileged information of his father's lapses and weaknesses against him. Enemy within! You see why the enemy within is dangerous? It is easier to guard against the enemy outside, to wage war and defeat them but the enemy inside is more subtle, they sometimes know your tactics, weaknesses and probably your strength. This is the reason it is important to look out for these enemies? Journey with me as I tell you more about them. Take into consideration the story of Ammon and Tamar in 2nd Samuel chapter 13 of the Bible. You might want to read it again. I could not stop asking questions after I read it again this afternoon. Why would Ammon desperately w...

A lot of terrible things have happened behind close doors... That girl never knew 'Uncle' had a bad intention when he told her to drop those stuff inside his room. The other girl also did not know that her school mate had planned to rape her, no wonder he insisted that she should come to his house for MTH 101 tutorial. The 'oga' had been luring her and she fell for it. You see that man in your neighborhood that is always trying to touch your buttock each time no one is around? I beg you, don't ignore him. Funke thought he was joking till he finally molested her. And our parents, please be mindful of who baths your child, avert the abuse biko (please). 'Aunty' you that is still walking that lonely path at night when you can actually take another route. hmm... Let's us not forget that the strength of the abusers is in secrecy. Close the paths to proneness, don't make yourself vulnerable. *** Don't be naive Learn to identify wrong motives Learn...

Mary thought she was just so lucky to have a friend who was overly  nice to her. It was her first time in the boarding house and barely 2 weeks since she resumed when Cynthia started coming around her, she offered help in her areas of difficulties, bought gifts for her and protected her from other senior students who wanted to send her on errands. Mary never knew Cynthia's kind gestures had expectations, she soon got to know. Cynthia began to make demands; "Can you come and sleep on my bed tonight?",  "Let's stay back in the hostel during afternoon preparatory class", "Come to my room let's have a bath together". From unyielding  pleas, it became orders "Come to my room by 10pm today!" Mary discovered it was no longer a joke because Cynthia began to make her stay in the boarding house very unbearable, it  was easy because Cynthia was a senior student  plus she was physically stronger than her. From one pressure to another, Cynth...

Joanna Narrates... I was sleeping in our parlour when he walked in and noticed no one was close by. I could recall he was a family friend who often stopped by to say hi! My siblings and I called him uncle. We trusted and loved him because each time he comes around, he played with us  and often bought gifts for us, we never knew  his trousers leaked. I was about 6 years old, innocent and tender, I never knew someone would want to do that to me; he pulled up my gown, went on to panties and sought for a way to force his fingers through my genitals. Mum and dad saw him as a faithful brother, an innocent family friend but how would I explain to them that in their absence, he tried to abuse me?                                                                          *** -If Joanna's parent o...

I’M A PHENOMENAL WOMAN AND THAT  I WILL KEEP AS MY IDENTITY. From the buds of girl hood I grew taking orders from my hormones and  the old hebrew book. Books have being my faithful buddy, I have found my gaze linger through its pages countless times. I have sulked and spyed around books whether upgrading or degrading. I have burnt my time in the spiking flames of words in book. My clothings have the sting of both old and new library. I have travelled  round the world ,been in love with a duke, owned an empire ,had super powers and lived in space all on the winds of books. All these changed me but never saved me or gave me freedom like the old hebrew book did. This is why the old hebrew book remains my favourite and a wonder to my heart. For everytime I sit to read the old hebrew book, I feel like I am sitting at the feet of a wise old man, who is ready to raise himself in me, by sharpening my senses and making me wise. I have read  it since I was able  ...

I heard the call again, and the tears you shed at night wouldn’t let me…  I felt the pain that pierced your heart and even the sorrow that accompanied every pump of it, I could also feel. I know what it means to be broken, to be in despair, to feel like you’ve lost out of everything, including your place in redemption.  I know how it feels when heaven seem locked up over you, I’ve been there before. We know God cannot leave us, but sometimes we need reassurance and mercy. We were once excited, assured, secured, confident but suddenly it feels like the source where we got our confidence suddenly ran dry. The foundation on which we stood firm seem wobbly, we are pained, confused and where is the strength we once boasted in? Time and again we can find ourselves in down times, however I want us to remember that Romans 8:35-39 will forever remain true. Love may be the last thing you would want me to talk about, especially when many times it had failed you, I feel it too, b...

Have you ever been in a fix before? You turn left, and then to the right yet you find no answers? We all get to that point in life where our decisions will change the next course of our lives and most times these moments come unannounced. A simple yes!  Or No! can open a new season for our lives. Have you ever thought about what would have happened if that girl who died last night in the abortion room said a blatant No! to the guy when he tried luring her. And do you not think that if the guy who is now stuck 2 years in jail, has an opportunity to take back time, he would never had said yes! When his friends asked him to follow them this once for an attack. In few minutes, these persons had their lives changed and moments as these come for all of us; the moments where we would have to take a stand and make a choice for our lives. There will be times when life will test even our greatest convictions. Our obedience, allegiance, faith will be tested. You know those times ...

“But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we are all the work of thy hand.” Isaiah 64:8 (KJV) I know potters to be very creative and patient people; they determine the type of clay that suits the desired product and they follow through each process to ensure the fine product in their imagination becomes an appreciable edifice. Take a peep into the potter’s studio, and you will notice the patience they put into each phase of the work- Modelling and design, clay type selection, mixing, jiggering, slip casting, glazing and firing. Notably, the mixture and type of clay selected largely determines the quality/outcome of the pottery work and because of that, the potter pays close attention to the process of selecting the right type and composition of clay in order that the best choice is made for the expected product. All through the creation process of the earth and all that is in it; the light, firmament, plant, animals and more significantly, m...

After secondary school, I had this one year of my life that changed everything about my thoughts, perception, the things I accepted and everything that formed my core values. Before that year, I had been through many things that attempted to define my life; I slowly and ignorantly lost my identity and consequently lived a disguised life. It hurt, but I could tell no one; how could I explain that I took myself into one mess, and then another and yet another one. I allowed other people’s mistakes, selfishness and opinions define my own life and I was too afraid to get hold of my life and become responsible for it and sadly, I always became the recipient of the penalties. No other person helped to bear my pain; none could even understand the depth of hurt on my inside. The people I allowed to influence my life, those whose mere opinions I built my life around, they were the people I blamed because I felt they were responsible for all my pain. I felt they owed me so much because it wa...

I remember those days when I went round my neighbourhood sending out informal invitations for “my birthday party" as I called it. If you were the child I invited, you would probably think my parents made a direct IV to you; but truth is - they didn’t. As my birthday drew closer I often thought that to secure new clothes, shoes, gift items and the show of love, I had to do my best to ensure my big day was celebrated. But what was my best? Going round the streets close by and telling the children I could see to get to my home at so so time on the 2nd of August. That was because I knew that once my parents hear that people have been invited, they would stretch out to save the day first by booking the photographer, buying some drinks, cooking, getting new clothes, taking care of my hair if need be and making me fit for the day or should I say the camera. Growing up, I realized how selfish my actions had been, I thought I deserved the Love more than they deserved Understanding; b...

The old books that contained my filthiness, faults, ignorance and shame were opened and I pleaded guilty. I had defaulted big time, and the devil was willing to make me pay for my guilt, He said mercy was far and he brought evidences before me that I could not deny. Indeed, I was guilty; I shunned the love that was shown to me and despised grace, and to such offence, the verdict was damnation. Who would plead mercy for me? the accuser insisted no one would do that, he said I would have to face my verdict and bear my pain but just before I could accept the fate he presented to me that cool evening, another voice spoke to my heart the mercy I first heard was far. Did he (the accuser) not say I deserved nothing but pain, depression, loneliness, regret and mess?  Did he not say there was no mercy for me? This new voice amazingly spoke words of hope to me. He acknowledged that even though I had sinned, my offense was fully paid for a long time ago saying "while you were yet a sin...

We all have our share of good and bad days. The days we jump from our beds with such tenacity and meet the needs we ought to; Our visions glaring and plans executed in enthusiasm and fulfilment. But somehow we also stumble on these days - where nothing seems to work anymore; excitement and passion feels like it's suddenly immersed in cold water and there is no vigor for anything. The days... When the results we get do not commensurate the efforts put in work. When our bank of encouragement is drained because the visions we once saw is blurred and it feels like the energy that was stirred within us is no more. The days we hit frustrations we do not deserve or are plagued with guilt for things we did or did not do Sometimes it takes more than just courage to get through these days. We pray but it's like, nothing is changing, we are patient but each second crushes. Should we dare to think about the friends we thought would never leave us but just did? We rather not t...

The pages of creation reveal the very essence of living. “Let Us make man in Our Image, after Our Likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the Earth.” Who could create us with such good intentions but God.  His thoughts towards us are flawless, undying, full of goodness, but the question is:  how do we know these thoughts when we do not search the Bible - (God’s thoughts, expressed through His Words)? Look at what is exclaimed about us in Psalm 8:4 “What is man, that You are mindful of him? and the son of man, that You visit him?” Each time I ponder on that scripture, I see affection, concern, sympathy, extravagant love showered on us by God. We have great privileges, abundant promises, direction, all wrapped up in the Word of God, but how do we access these privileges if we do not stay committed to the study of these words and al...

From seeds of pain, they grew into a garden of sorrow and then thorns of bitterness sprang up in it. Have you ever been so pained? We live in a world where people  deliberately hurt another and not feel a thing about it. Check around and you will bear witness to this wickedness; A friend turns betrayer, a father rapes his daughter, a lot of damages are caused daily and some of us happen to be victims of these acts. In the previous post (A BEAUTIFUL ME) we took a stand against inferiority and depression. However, we cannot deny the fact that abuse, betrayal, hurt and different forms of pain of which we as teenagers are exposed to on a daily basis, can lead to inferiority,  depression, and also has the tendency to grow into unforgiveness and more dangerously, bitterness. Why should anyone want to take advantage of innocence? Why should trust be betrayed and hearts stabbed in abuse? These are silent experiences some of us have been victims of, and more than just the experie...

Whilst growing up, one of the things I loved to do on weekend's  was modeling; I would just put on different clothes , walk close to our large wall mirror and admire myself. You know that smile you put on your face when you are tying a fine gele or that confidence you have when you are walking around the room with a new high heel shoe. It was all part of the weekend fun. I felt good standing in front of the mirror and looking into my eyes. Sometimes it was a moment of reflection for me, I would talk to myself, pay attention to my inner voice and long after the woman I was becoming. I knew there was something about me, but I had to clear doubts, I had to be fearless, I had to live the life, yet, there were things that sought to rob me of the chance of living to the fullest, I will tell you about it. You remember that in the previous post (LEARNING THROUGH SEASONS)  I shared with you some of the challenges I faced as a new intake in the boarding house, these experiences a...

Earlier this morning, I strolled around my house smiling like someone that just received a million dollar alert,  as I thought of  you, the joy in my heart was worth more than any amount of money one can think of,  you see why I couldn't just wait but write to you?  I told you in the previous post (New Moments) about how eager I was to move over to the boarding house and I promised to share with you lessons that I learnt through that phase of life. Believe me, boarding house wasn't easy as I thought it would be. Within the first few weeks; I finished the biscuits, milk, and was left with almost nothing, I became a school daughter to the school mother I never wanted, I became unnecessarily pressured for my inability to say no! and yes! when I needed to. So you see, I was exposed to the real life and I was actually  not prepared to face it. Life tried my identity, convictions, and strength and I failed in most parts. I remember how I followed a friends advice...

LEARNING THROUGH SEASONS Earlier this morning, I strolled around my house smiling like someone that just received a million dollar alert,  as I thought of  you, the joy in my heart was worth more than any amount of money one can think of,  you see why I couldn't just wait but write to you?  I told you in the previous post (New Moments) about how eager I was to move over to the boarding house and I promised to share with you lessons that I learnt through that phase of life. Believe me, boarding house wasn't easy as I thought it would be. Within the first few weeks; I finished the biscuits, milk, and was left with almost nothing, I became a school daughter to the school mother I never wanted, I became unnecessarily pressured for my inability to say no! and yes! when I needed to. So you see, I was exposed to the real life and I was actually  not prepared to face it. Life tried my identity, convictions, and strength and I failed in most parts. I remember how I fo...

I tarried a while for  the day I will finally be moving over to the  boarding house , to me that was a new mile stone. As the day drew closer,  the new clothes, provisions, plus 'pocket money'  was enough goodies for the young girl,  I  couldn't wait to zoom off from the house because I heard a lot from my elder sister, who had been 2 years ahead in the boarding house. I was glad it was also my turn to own the packets of biscuits, tins of milo, milk and the likes, so you see one of my motivation...wink Fast forward, I moved from my town with mum and we drove to the east part of my country, south south to south east was just about 4 hours away. Apart from children camp programs, that was going to be my first time of leaving my growing environment; home, church, primary school etc. to a whole new place. Mum was gone, dad too, and I could only talk to them via my guardians; those women helped my life. I was left to live the different new life I so anti...